What No Longer Serves

Every once in awhile, my feelings about things change and I have to adjust my life accordingly. Of course Life in general is eternally in constant change, there is no way of holding that back-nor would I want to. It's an adventure and a journey that I don't want to miss. However, sometimes when I'm in a reflective mood -or I'm forced to examine a particular activity-I come to terms with the fact  that things that no longer serve my growth, enrich my spirit or feed my soul need to go. Things left to molder eventually become more emotionally hurtful and harmful to my psyche. I have had enough of that in the past and have learned when it's time to cut those things loose for the moorings. It's the only way I'm going to be healthy and survive all the other crap that Life throws at me. It's about priorities.

We all need to interact with others; we are by nature social beings. It's a human trait that we  want to belong and be a part of something with the hope that whatever it is, it will be personally satisfying and enriching. That's changed for me over the last few weeks, and I'm no longer in the 'group' mindset because I have found that I can still do many of those things by myself and in solitary practice and it is just as rewarding...and I am happier. So this week I have decided to leave several groups on Facebook because I  find them no longer satisfying, to limit my interaction with other fans of my RockStar Muse because I just don't want to be sucked into the never-ending drama, jealousy and one up-manship, and turn down a call to minister at a church because the philosophy feels more wrong than right to me. Which will leave me with more time to read, study and generally be inside my own head. Unlike the majority of folks, I am more than reasonably comfortable inside my own skin. That  has mostly been a painstaking process, but the end result is that I can live with who I am with very few regrets. That wasn't always the case. Life changes exponentially when you choose to take responsibility and control of your actions and reaction to the everyday business of existence. Within reason and not meant to be a narcissistic statement, I like who I have become. I try to keep the self-doubt to a minimum by not second-guessing my decisions ( but remaining flexible). And I try not to worry what others think about me, because really...Does it matter? Junior High was a long time ago and I'd like to think that it's no longer necessary for Life to be a petty popularity contest. I have little tolerance for the pretensions of others because I have no use for it, those who pretend to be something they definitely are not have no place in my life...and I have an excellent pair of bullshit antennae.

Everything we encounter is influenced by our thoughts and feelings. You don't just see the world through your eyes, but with your heart as well. We become so preoccupied with what we must do in Life that we very often forget what we like to do. There are many more things I want to accomplish and a limited amount of time daily and weekly allotted for me to do them. Casting off things that no longer serve me gives me the precious gift of more time. I will take all that I can so I can continue working on who I am and want to be in the future.

Shine On

First and foremost, life is a fragile. We forget this because of our tendency to rush head-long from one thing to the other, to fall down and get right back up, ignore the bruises, because it's what's expected of us by society. We create a membrane of steel around ourselves,that will deflect the bad things. Mostly we just carry on.

Life is an exciting, wonderful adventure full of Mystery. We never really know what's going to happen next, but we never expect it to be more than we can handle. We don't look too closely or make eye contact. It's better that way. We're less likely to get hurt by Life.

A few hours ago, I found out someone in my congregation died. She was a physically and spiritually beautiful soul who possessed a spirit open to whatever the world would bring. She was tragically killed in a traffic accident. We have questions about the circumstances, for which we may never have answers. Today would have been her 27th birthday.

We believe with our hearts that this life will go on forever, even when we know in our heads that it won't. Dying is the natural cycle of things; we are born and we die. What we do between those points is called living, and we burn with a light from a flame within. Some of us achieve great accomplishments the span of a lifetime; others only burn brightly for a few short years, but the people their light shines on are left feeling warm and good.

Shine on, Sister. Shine on.

Thoughtful New Year

Maya Angelou

In 2012 nature and the mad nature of some human beings caused us to wonder how can we go on. From super storm Sandy to the Colorado movie house shooting and the massacre at Sandy Hook Elementary School, we have been pressed to find some answers to the question, why, me why us, why now? As we come into 2013, we bring with us the need to find answers and the hope to find what can we do to prevent the recurrence of these despairing occurrences. I think we must commit to a commitment to all human beings and a decision to accept our responsibility to nature's outpouring and human misbehavior. I wish that we could say with Horace Mann that each of us should be "ashamed to die until you have won some victory for mankind." I think we must surrender the despair of unexpected cruelty and extend the wonder of unexpected kindnesses to ourselves and to each other. 2013 can bring us the chance to be kind to each other and kind to ourselves. We deserve each other and each other's generosity.

This appeared on my Facebook page tonight. I can add nothing more other than...Amen. So Mote It Be.

Where Was God?

Where was God when children and adults were being injured and killed in Connecticut and China?

The question always arises after one of these tragedies occurs and makes worldwide news.

" Where was God? Doesn't God care?"


Where  was God? Where were you? Where was I? Where were WE when funding for healthcare that covered mental illness was being cut? Where were WE when legislation was being passed that allowed assault weapons to be placed in the hands of ordinary citizens?

Stop blaming Deity for the foibles and failures of humans. WE need to take responsibility for not providing proper healthcare for the mentally ill. WE need to take responsibility for passing laws that allow excessive freewill to those who cannot make rational decisions which results in them harming themselves and others. WE need to to stop using the cop-out that allows dangerous individuals free reign in our society because they have a 'right' to self determination. WE need to reexamine the distribution of firearms in this country and realistically come to grips with exactly why anyone believes assault weapons should be allowed to be in the hands of anyone other than the military or the police... Which leads to a much deeper question, one I'm pretty certain Americans aren't ready to face but must come to terms with:our fear of The Other., because we have permitted special interest groups to play on our righteous corporate ( as in unified, not business ) paranoid after 9/11.

WE need to stand up to political bullies and lobbyists who force legislation, not because they necessarily believe in it, but because someone has crossed their palms with silver.

Placing Blame

Yesterday, twenty-seven people were savagely butchered in an elementary school in Connecticut at the hands of a someone suffering from a severe mental illness. The details of the incident are sketchy, but as they leak out, the very prominent fact that this atrocity was visited upon innocent children and their adult caretakers due to a failure of our society is undeniable.

While others are mourning the loss of lives, I am angry at the inadequacy of our mental health care system. I am furious at politicians who have chipped away at funds earmarked for the diagnosis and treatment of the mentally ill. I am beyond frustrated by constantly having to justify mental illness as a physical illness which requires medical treatment. I am literally sickened by the inexcusable attitude of healthcare practitioners who are undereducated or lack education altogether about the myriad forms of a legitimate disease that is swept under society's carpet...just as it was over a century ago. Some forms of mental illness kills; not only through suicide by the individual, but by other means which makes it a matter of public health. Pretending that someone else is "okay" when it is clear they aren't is nothing short of criminal negligence.

I am tired of those in the "helping" professions which are supposedly responsible for the oversight and welfare of those who are the least able among us to care for themselves begging off with," What do you want us to do?" Grow some fucking cojones, step up and be responsible, that's what I want you to do. That includes families who choose to use the worn cop-out, " We can't make choices for him".

Let me tell you something: When your troubled 'loved one' or client becomes the next  Adam Lanza, or Jared  Loughner, or James Holmes or  Eric Harris or Dylan Klebold, and all you have done is thrown your hands up in frustration, those hands will have just as much blood on them as the one who loaded the bullets into the gun. Or maybe you'll just be the first of many to die.

You wouldn't let frustration with the healthcare or the court system get in your way if the one you cared about were suffering from a 'tangible disease' such as cancer and was mentally unstable and unable to make realistic decisions about their personal welfare. The fact is that an individual's right to self -determination ends when his/her behavior and choices become a dangerous threat to their own welfare and that of the public. Lack of responsibility for proper mental healthcare is a public health issue, period...and we had better become accountable before the next tragedy occurs.

O Come, O Come....

If you stick with with this blog long enough,from time to time you will hear me refer to The Place of Deep Indwelling. It is difficult to describe, but when we are there we instantly recognize it. It is the place where we are most ourselves, where we are the most comfortable simply being. It is the place where we live without the pretension of a mask; we are unafraid to be who we are here, rather than who we feel we have to be in society. I love this place, and it is there in the winter months you will find me hunkered down in the evening, either reading or writing a journal, often just by candlelight. When you have been there, you know what I'm talking about.

There is something very holy about the light of a candle's flickering flame, something very simple yet elegant. The Jewish Sabbath begins with the lighting of candles which sets the tone for winding down from the week. It signals that our life should become calm and we should rest. I have always thought that Advent is a lot like that: a season of restful calm which restores the soul. Many who have a spiritual practice and follow a liturgical calendar are actively preparing for the birth of a Divine Child at Yule or Christmas,others, like the Jews, are celebrating a miracle from so long ago that kept the lamp in the Temple burning. It is a season of Light. Both are places where our spirit thrives and grows.

I was introduced to the idea of Advent in a Christian context, the wreath with four candles, being lit after dinner and accompanied by a time of devotion and prayers. It is a quaint tradition, and I like it. In the past few years, I haven't actually had a wreath; I've laid some cut greens around the edge of an old silver tray in a circle and put the four candles among them. Each Sunday has a particular aspect: Hope, Love, Joy and Peace. I usually meditate on each aspect on its day, thinking about what those words mean to me.

It has been years since I participated in a proper Advent service in a church. Those prayers and hymns in that particular form ended for me with the last note played by the organ....except one, which I hold particularly dear, O Come, O Come Emmanuel. There is something that sounds very ancient and wondrously strange in that music, and the words of entreaty, and they have stuck with me over the years, particularly when it is sung in Latin, the sacred language of the soul. There is a yearning and a promise woven in the music which transcends Christianity, because I believe we are still searching for something we know will eventually come to us. Seek and find: walk the path with Hope and all the rest-Love, Joy and Peace will come to us.

Thanks Living

I have not shopped on Black Friday for years. A stint of working retail on Black Friday several years in a row was a real eye opener as to how cruel and selfish people can be to one another in the frenzy of greed and mob mentality...considering especially it's happening less than 24 hours after a day supposedly set aside for being thankful and targeted for a day celebrating the birth of 'the Prince of Peace' ? It shows just how insidiously selfish society has really become.

Stay home with your family on Thanksgiving and be grateful you have a family, a home, warmth, food for the table. Live and breathe thankfulness for just one day without the intrusion of the outside world....And please, reconsider giving your money to the 'big box' chains and staying out of the malls on Black Friday. Who needs the crowds, the pushing, shoving or angry vibes to start the celebration of a season of the birth of a child who ultimately stood for peacefulness and the renewal of life? Go to a farmer's market and check out the handicrafts, or a church crafts fair, or the shop of a local artisan...or make something yourself.